A Life Time of Gambling - "One Bet"


This is the first time I have ever written a blog, so I am not sure where to start. My thoughts may be all over the place but please have a read and follow me on this journey.

I have read a few peoples stories from horse racing and sports betting to slot machines and poker. We all share the same issues and emotional states.

I have been gambling since I can remember. From POGS in grade 2, poker with pennies in grade 5, betting on video games in grade 7, rolling dice or playing poker in grade 9, going to the casino in grade 11 with friends ID's, blackjack addiction by college, and now carried on into my late 20's with a crippling sports betting addiction through a booky.

I have attempted quiting a few times already but this time is different. Every other time I had money to support my habbit, mostly coming from a illegal ways (supply and demand) while having a steady job to support my daily life. This was the first time I spent what I didnt have and doing this after getting married a few months back. I was wanting to start a family but with the lies and addiction, understandably, that wont happen anytime soon.

I always tried to quit on my own, not involving anyone else. I come from a family with addictions; my dad an alcoholic, my brother whos been and on and off drug addict, and other cousins with various addictions. I always thought I was better since my addiction never really showed on the outside. Although Id always admit to having a problem, I never really understood how serious it was till now.

I am not here because of how much money I have lost. I came here because I am finally done with lying or down playing my addiction. I am done with hating who I see in the mirror everyday. I want to be able to enjoy my daily life again and not wake up thinking about the games tonight, justifying my picks and why they should win only to go to bed dissapointed with my self. I am here because my problem no longer affects just my life.

It seems like every time I am getting ahead or finally free of thinking of betting, I lose myself and place that "one bet". Before I know it two months have gone by and I have lost thousands of dollars and priceless time. Then I take a step back, save up, start enjoying life only to run into that "one bet" again turning into a spiral of lies and depression killing me on the inside. I would lose thousands in a matter of days or even hours, get deppressed about, tell myself I am done if I just win back some, then win it back, only to lose it all and more in a matter of minutes.

This has been the story of my past 5-7 years. Ups and downs every few months, mainly downs. I really dont know if its even possible for me to kick this addiction but I cant go on with this stress and I know where that leads. I dont want to have the thoughts I had a few years back when I lost all my savings and more. So I have made the decision to finally open up about my addiction to not only my wife but my mom. I have realized this is not something you can tackle on your own. It hurts more to hold it in, wearing a mask, than it does to face the anger and dissapointment of your loved ones.

I have held back not only myself but my wife and our life together because of gambling. I know she deserves bettter and if I continue down this path it will be a lonley one. Noone should be dragged down with me. I always had high hopes and worked hard to my goals only to have them squashed with that "one bet". Gambling is a losing battle that can only be won by walking away. So that is what I am doing. I am walking away from gambling and walking towards the life I should have.

The first steps I have taken:

1. contacted my counsellor
2. admitted my addiction to my wife and mom
3. started this blog post

I will continue to post my progress and feelings in hopes that others have suggestions to help me through it. If you have any progress or stories to share please do.


Comments

prokopton's picture

I always emphasize and

I always emphasize and re-empahasize this point:

Just as important as quitting, is finding other things to replace gambling.

The mind moves in the direction of its thoughts. If we keep thinking, "I have to quit gambling. I have to quit gambling..."

We eventually end up gambling again.

It's a leap of faith, but we have to focus on the things we want in life and not what we don't want.

I want to learn to cook.
I want to save money.
I want to save for a trip.

"I want to quit gambling..." ---> eventually leads us back to "gambling". After awhile, we have to focus on the things we want to accomplish.


Thank You for your

Thank You for your response.

For me I am hoping to replace it with getting back into Muay Thai.

That really only covers me for about a couple hours a day. Luckly those couple hours fall in the evening when most sports are going to be on.

My relapses happen about 2-4 months after I quit. Thats when my gaurd goes down and everything in my life is smoothing out. I feel as if I have control again. But thats when it sneaks up and before I know it im back where I was.

I am hoping to replace it not only with Muay Thai but with being more focused on my career in Real Estate. Also by being a better husband who stops putting chores or other things off. My goal is to take on projects as they come rather than "doing it later"

I want to save for a house and pay off my vehicle. So once my debts paid off any additional money will be going to my wife to put aside for our down payment.

I also will be trying to do more activities with my wife to keep me occupied. We will be going to a dinner and paint night. I use to love to draw, not good by any means, it kept my brain stimulated. So I want to pick up the pencil and start sketching again.


prokopton's picture

I spend about 25 minutes (5

I spend about 25 minutes (5 sessions, 5 minutes each) per day visualizing (some call it meditating) on what I want to accomplish.

I do it everyday. It keeps me focused.

I no longer recall how much money and time I've lost due to gambling. I can't get them back, so I've let go.

All the best.