Cant say I feel much different from yesterday. Still have an urge to place a bet, feel disappointed in myself, and feel scared about the road ahead.
I have removed some sports apps that kept notifiying me of shit happening in sports. Which usually would lead me to think I got some good info to go off of to place a bet.
I was able to get more work done than I normally would. I do feel like I can think more clearly although I get a bit depressed at points of the day when I realize how much time, money, and energy I lost during my last relapse. Usually I would smoke some weed to help forget about it and numb out that feeling, but I dont think I deserve to do that. I deserve to feel the pain and deal with it directly.
I saw a picture online a friend posted of his winnings from casino black jack. That definitley triggered something that made we want to go and try to win it back but I stayed strong and just thought about how that usually goes.