Last few mornings I woke up with the urge to place a bet. Today was different. I woke up with an urge to focus on work. Last night was my first day back to muay thai, this was something that always kept me grounded and my mind off anything else. I feel when I am doing muay thai my mind does not think of any problems in my life or desires to gamble. Even after I am done I feel much better about my mind and body.
I will be going to my first counselling session after a few years tomorrow. I am excited for this as I know it will help in repairing my mind and my realtionship with my wife who I will bring to the second session.
I think it is important to involve your loved ones as many people dont understand the extent to which gambling alters who you are. My wife doesnt trust me with many things at the moment and feels I dont appreciate or feel accountable towards her. Although this is not the case, gambling binges and gambling in general is such a powerful addiction you dont realize how distant you become during the binge.
Its very easy for everyone on the outside to say you just need stop or you dont care about anyone else. I hope that with my wife and my mom involved in these sessions they will get a better understanding of what gambling does to a person and how its not just as easy as not gambling. This I hope will help them see the signs better and help divert my urges.
I know its not up to anyone else but me but its hard as an addict to talk to people who do not understand the issue. You avoid it because you know you will be judged and misunderstood because anyone who has never been an addict of some sort just cant relate.
My goals of not smoking weed, not gambling, and focusing on work and muay thai are off to a good start. I feel better about the road ahead, although I know I have a long ways to go to gain back the trust I have lost. But this is my motivation. To prove the odds wrong.
I stopped thinking about gambling to the point where I actually missed the UFC fights on saturday. And it didnt bother me one bit. I am no longer going to be someone who sits in the audience and watches. I will now fill my time with actions.