wtf have i done?

i don't know how to start this really, i feel at my wits end i cannot seem to sit still untill i have gambled everything away, i am at the point now where i am gonna lose my house, my job. My partner has just lost his job and do you know my 1st thought was how will i fund my gambling now!! that is mad, what happened to the sensible comments like how will we afford the mortgage, the bills feed the kids. i am a joke, i have let my self down, my family . for what? nothing, even when i have won some money i spend it all again and again. i have tried to stop however i end up having one last go, then that tunrs into another and another untl .......... yep another paycheck gone the day after i have been paid, i then live hand to month till next pay day then the cycle starts again. When i have no money i feel ok not gambling however as soon as i have money i am back online like billy big potatoes. do you know i tell myself its ok ican stop anytime yet i know it is bull. i hate myself so much right now and do not know what to do to get out of this rut, if my partner knew he would leave we straight away - sometimes i think this is for the best as i am an awful person creeping around, lying, hiding bills so he thinks everying is tickety boo. i am a joke!!


prokopton's picture

I do not think that you're a

I do not think that you're a joke. You have problems which need to be addressed and overcome.

"We are as sick as our secrets."