Approximately 10 days ago, my fiance (with whom I've had a very happy 7-1/2 year relationship) admits to me, out of the blue, that he has a compulsive gambling problem and needs help.
He said it started when he went to the slot machines--just once--and when he lost money and knew I'd be upset, spent the last 6 months (and approximately $5,000 that I know about) chasing the win to replenish the money he lost. He borrowed from his 401k, depleted a health savings account and small stock account, and was overdrawing a personal checking account. He was going to casinos before/during/after work, and participating in online gaming.
Although the financial damage is distressing, I'm struggling with the daily deception, and fact that he did not admit to a problem until he was on the brink of getting caught. We are in the process of buying our first home (he encouraged this), planning a nice wedding in 6 months, and had wonderful plans for our future together.
While the financial damage is reparable, I'm devastated by the dishonesty.
By the time I became aware of the problem (this was the 2nd time something like this happened, I didn't realize gambling was at the room the 1st time), fiance had already made arrangements for counseling and GA. He went to both once, and claims GA is the way he wants to go.
However, I believe firmly that he needs to participate in GA + counseling. And, that we need to attend couple's counseling together. He's refusing, claiming that counseling only digs up old issues, and GA stresses moving forward.
I'm so conflicted by all of this. Head says I need to rescind the offer on the house, remove him from all our banking accounts, and possibly move out. Heart says I need to support and love him, since he's sick, but not a bad person. He claims he's never lied about anything except gambling, and has no reason to. I have no idea what's right anymore.
Can't focus on work or school. Cry on a dime. Am overcome by guilt, sadness, shame, and confusion. Met with a counselor today and will be attending Gam-Anon this week.
Is there any way to repair the damage and move forward? Or, do I need to simply consider myself blessed to find this out BEFORE the wedding and move on?