I must say Im grateful to find this site. I have no GA where im at, at least that speaks english. I have been in the AA program for 3 years now, and going to take a attempt at my long time problem, gambling. Oh my goodness! I cant believe im going to make a honest attempt at this now. Lets see:
I am in the military and started gambling about ten years ago in the slot rooms. I instantly became addicted but didn't see the harm right away. $20 here and there, no biggy! Well that turned into thousands and thousands. I would gamble whatever I had to get the fix, win or lose! Mostly I think it was trying to win my loses back, but i still felt a little pleasure from it all, mixed with remorse, anger, self hate, sick right! After I left Japan for a while things went well until I got into online sports betting which wasn't the same for me but did fill the void. With that came the online casinos and big time loses. I was in debt $60000 at this point. I could say no big deal but I was also missing 7 years worth of paychecks as well???? I almost offed myself over one holiday period back in 06-07. I was to chicken to do it, but did feel that would solve my problem. Besides I have seen many do it. I love my family too much and enjoy life too much for that, but can't beat this gambling thing! Filed bankruptcy in 07 and almost done with that as of this august. The amazing thing was I was still able to find funds to gamble??? Thats insane! I had a epiphany last night on my way home from a 1 hour slot period where I lost $800. I was just going to put $20 in too??? Basically I said to myself Im done!!!! Im not going to let this beat me, because it will if I continue. Last week I took some preemptive strikes and ordered the GA Big Book which I was peeled to today. It's got me all over it thus far. Im really worried about not having meetings though? I have AA here but not too many showing up, and I know from AA that you cant do this yourself. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? There was a portion I was reading that states you have to do this because you want to do it, no because you need to do it. Hell, I have always needed to do, but I want this more than anything. I will go to any length to achieve victory over Gambling! Thank you for reading. I have read many of the stories on this site and with you 100%, I hope we all enjoy life without the burden of a gambling addiction. I can relate to them all!