Hi All,

I had a slip last night. I was really having a hard time Friday Night and I kept myself busy and I kept having urges all night. It's funny I think the trigger for me was buying a diet coke out of a vending machine. Isn't that crazy? It was friday afternoon and I was feeling sleepy at work, I put in my dollar and It just triggered that feeling of putting money into a machine. I felt tormented by it all evening and I just kept busy doing house work. I knew that Saturday was going to be a really busy day. My daughter had a tournament for Volleyball and then her Homecoming dance. I worked in the concession stand for six hours. Then I went over to help cook dinner for the kids and take pictures of them before the dance. When I was leaving the girls house that they were all leaving from, I just had a really strong urge again. I hadn't really thought about it during the day. That side of my brain just rationalized that I had been working all day for others and I deserved some time for myself. I just went on Automatic Pilot and drove to the Casino 45 minutes away. My daughter was spending the night with a friend after the dance. I guess it wasn't really automatic pilot because I did go by my house and drop off my debit card and took $100.00 in cash. I gambled for about 4 hours and then came home with $20.00 of the $100.00 that I went with, I feel bad about it. But I'm trying not to beat myself up to bad. I thought about it all the way over what the trigger was ..... I felt like I was more in control than I had been in the past, at one point I had $250.00 though and of course I put in all back except for $20.00. It scares me though, I know it could have been a lot different and will be a lot different if I do it again. Not that I could afford to lose $80.00 but it's a lot better than $800.00 which I have done in the past. I know it doesn't sound like I feel that bad about it, I do but I'm not going to beat myself up and obsess over it. I am going to learn from it and move on... Bach can we start the competition beginning today instead of Saturday? I lost before I ever saw the entry. :) Today I will not gamble. Starting over after having 2 week and 2 days under my belt.


Karen, I'm so sorry... I of

Karen, I'm so sorry... I of all people know that feeling of going in to automatic pilot...  I absolutely give you 100% credit for brushing yourself off and starting again right away!  My problem in the past has not only been slipping but then chasing my losses.  You are so right, I would start with just $100. and then it would gradually build up to $800, even $1000 or over in some instances. 

We are learning Karen, we are all learning and healing.  I have no problem with starting Bach's contest later.  I want us all to be winners!

I had a lovely day today.  I spent time with my family and even made a lovely meal.  Gambling does really take so much valuable time away and life really is so much more peaceful without it.  I look forward to starting in to another gamble-free week.  I'm positive that we can all do this with enough want and will and effort. 



Happy Thanksgiving.

Yes, we can restart the competition.

What happened to you is not unusual in gambling recovery. Slips can be expected in the process. It's how you deal with them that determines how quick you'll move on.

I've been clean since April 11,2006. I didn't wake-up one day and it just happened. At first I told myself I wouldn't gamble. But I found myself gambling a few weeks down the road. I used to beat myself up over my slips. I cannot emphasize this enough to anyone: YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE MISTAKES. Try not to be so hard on yourself and do your best not to make the same misake again. And if you do? There's a Chinese proverb, "Fall seven times, get up eight times."

As time went by, I went longer and longer without gambling. The days turned into weeks and the weeks into months. Again, it didn't happen that way. I had to keep a mental note of all the triggers that made me gamble in the past. There was work involved for me.

I have noticed a pattern in my recovery: When I'm several months clean, I tend to think that I no longer have a gambling problem. That's when I relapse, and that is the reason I'm on this site. I want to prevent history from repeating itself in my life.

Please give yourself a break and smile for everyone here!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!



Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I had a very hectic day today with cooking, feeding family and friends and cleaning up.  Everyone has just gone not long ago and I just finished cleaning up some more.  I'm exhausted and feeling like I need a reward now and of course we all know what is going through my mind.  After all, I deserve it right? 

Wrong, I keep telling myself!  I know that if I go and gamble as tired as I am now, I will only be foolish and stuff money in to the machines.  Even if I wasn't tired, I can't ruin this now. 

Instead I've decided to spend a quiet and restful evening at home to rest and refresh.  Monday has almost already gone and we're well in to another week.  I hope everyone is having a good day.

Noone said this was going to be easy and without work and effort. 

Thanks for the nice word

Thanks for the nice word Bach and Ann.  It's nice to hear someone say it's okay and part of the process to slip up.  I don't understand why you both are saying Happy Thanksgiving in October.  Is it a Sunday saying or Canadian Thanksgiving?

This website is so nice, I'm getting all kinds of support and making new friends at the same time.  I am feeling better and stronger today and more determined to stay the course.

 Well.... Happy Thankgiving and thanks for your kind words.


I celebrate Thanksgiving

I celebrate Thanksgiving according to the Canadian calendar because that is where my root is. Plus some members are Canadian so I thought it would be a nice gesture.

Karen, promise you'll smile for everyone. Living a normal life away from gambling does take effort. It's hard work sometimes, especially when old triggers are kicking in.

Talk to you later.


You're very welcome Karen, I

You're very welcome Karen, I know I have slipped more than once since being on this site and you people were there to help me get back up.  I'm so happy to see that you are getting right back up, in my case I had to punish myself further by chasing my losses.  What a mess that was!  It takes a lot of courage to come back and admit a slip and then start again.  We need credit for that and being strong in that way will hopefully help us to quit altogether.  Today is Tuesday, a brand new day and I will not gamble.

Bach, what part of Canada are your roots in?  Just curious here.  I find it strange that the US and Canada would have separate days to celebrate Thanksgiving.  Every big holiday is the same day except for that, however I too am used to celebrating in October.

Last night was a bit tough for me, fighting the urges after working most of the day.  I ended up having a short nap, a piece of apple pie for dessert and then talking to a friend.  I made it through, I am glad.

Ann: The West Coast. Yes, it

Ann: The West Coast.

Yes, it does take courage to admit a slip, an error or a mistake. But I find it helps that I say something like this to myself: "Holy crap. I don' believe I did that. That was insane. No more of that. You're such a silly peson Bach. I don't believe you did that. Time to move on."

Okay, I made a mistake and had a slip. It's not the end of the world. It's time to move on to better things.

I've found that when I hide my slips or try to rationalize it, it creates a trigger. But when I'm honest and admit to myself that I'm only human and I made a mistake, it helps.

Talk to you later.


Noone does more self-talk

Noone does more self-talk than me Bach, believe me! 

We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves if we do slip and we should forgive ourselves and move on, I agree.  I wouldn't want to see a pattern develop though where I start to think it's ok to slip and thus, set myself up for it.

Like I said, this addiction is very sneaky, I'm not so sure sometimes how much of our thoughts is reason and how much is the addiction speaking.  For right now, I am trying to err on the side of caution.

scotty555's picture

Ann -- you are right -- this

Ann -- you are right -- this thing is very sneaky...In a moment of weakness we can all just "go with the urge" and get really messed up.  Compulsive behavior...I find I have it in many other parts of my life also.  We just have to be vigilent and keep it in check.

I have slipped too...just gotta brush yourself off and begin again.  Live in the "Now."



Lord knows we all know about

Lord knows we all know about those moments of weakness Scotty but why is it we know all about it and yet, we can't see them coming?

Erring on the side of caution may not be enough for me right now, I think I will put myself in red alert mode, at least for awhile anyway.

Have a great Thursday everyone and welcome to recovery!

yeah i busted last

yeah i busted last weekend,actually its so scary,as i lost a hundred,which is all the cash i had on me,walked outta casino and straight to atm,were i took out another 600.the scarry part was once i start ,basically cannot stop until i get it back,which on this occasion i did, but man what a shock to realize i,m a just so no,dont start..its that simple.i ,ve lost 20k over the years ,,and becouse i walked outta casino up 200 bucks i felt high as a kite...theres some freaky chemical imbalance going on in a gamblers brain...thats my contribution and for what ots worth,,, dont put down the first bet,as once your on,in action ,,your a goner to every rational thought  and don t the casions know it