My First Attempt at Quitting


RobertL
Hi all...I am brand new to this. I have never been to a GA Meeting nor have I ever looked for help.

I feel horrible. I am 34 years old and I feel that I being sucked into a spiral that I can not break. I haven't gone belly up, but I notice that I am spending more and more time playing cards on the internet. I am losing consistantly and the small wins aren't even exciting any more. I play till I have no more!!!!

I am finding that my soul seems to be getting sucked out of me.

I know that I have a lot of good things in my life that I should be focussing on for instance my family to start....

This is so very hard to admit but I know that I have a compulsive behavior.....

Anyone willing to talk to me would be great. I have a good ear and I also am looking for an ear of someone or a group of people who understand this.

I will be making every attempt not to partake in the betting or gaming that I do.

Thank you for listening...I hope this helps me get through the days..weeks and months of good judgement

RobertL

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Robert,

Your soul does get sucked from you when you gamble. Try prevention first. Close all your gambling accounts and restrict your access to money. Give financial control over to you spouse if you have to.

It is not the gambling. There might be a void in your life that needs to be addressed.

Have you missed work because of gambling?

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Hi Robert,
I had the same problem, and someone recommended www.gamblock.com - it is a program you put on your computer that cannot be removed and it blocks all gambling websites. Good luck, buddy. You're not alone.
Boom95

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Hopefully I have recognized this serious problem. I have gone all day with out downloading any poker programs. (I deleted them last night)

I have not missed work, but my performance has decayed over the past few months.

Gambleblock seems interesting to me. I will look into it.

I appreciate your comments and support

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Robert,

I felt like I was reading something that I had written when I saw your post. We seem to have a lot in common. I'm going to attempt cognitive behavior therapy in an attempt to deal with this addiction. I've been reading about impulse control disorder, pathological gambling - it all sounds so familiar. Perhaps we could correspond.

cotexmcs
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I have gone a half a week since I decided to stop playing cards on the internet.

I still feel ashamed when i think about it, but the past is the past. I have read the other posts about spouses gambling and I am afraid to add up what I have shelled out.

I have been playing poker for many many years. I have followed the rules and enjoyed the game. Now the joy is gone. Most people get chewed up and spit out with none of their bankrolls left. The one saving grace is that I have not blown the family kitty on the game. I have hit an impasse. My judgement has been clouded. I am better off not playing at all.

The beauty is that I started initialy with not wanting to play the internet games, but now I am thinking I should not place any bets. I don't get any satisfaction from winning. I don't go to Vegas alot and the Indian Casinos are just a bit out of the way.

The card clubs that I last attended I felt no feeling if I won or lost. I put my self in a position where I found it exciting to fight back and get the money I lost on the table back. With luck I did, but that was the only joy!

I have recieved some good advice here and reading other situation I clearly see that I have a problem.

I took the 20 questions test and it said I wasn't a compulsive gambler. I told my good friend who is a recovering alcholic and he simply said, "you weren't honest in your answers, you must have bent them to suit your needs". He was correct because I looked deep into my soul and I could almost answer yes to all of them.

For those who read this...knowing you have the problem I believe is part of your salvation. I will plan on doing my best to stay my course. I don't want to relapse.

Robert
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Good thing for honest friends, Robert. The 20 questions comment got to me...the first GA meeting I went to I answered yes to many of the questions. I knew I had no control. What surprised me was that, as the meetings progressed I became more honest with myself, and now have to answer yes to all of the questions but one. So yes, knowing you have a problem is very important to your recovery. It's a roller coaster, to be sure. Some days are great, others are awful. Hang in, phone a friend when you feel an urge, or even just to talk, come to this website....whatever it takes to get you through.
Take care

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Hi Robert,
Before my first post about gamblock I had not installed it. I took the 20 questions test too, and it said I was not a compulsive gambler. I figured I could stop myself without spending the $30 for gamblock. Guess what? I was wrong. I went 10 days without gambling, then logged on and lost $800 in 3 days. It was only then that I finally installed gamblock. I am so glad I did. It has solved the problem for me, seriously. Just install it and you can stop worrying about it.

I know what you mean about feeling sick about your old losses, but you have to try to let it go. I have been able to tell myself, "at least I KNOW I won't gamble on line anymore."

Good luck. I cannot recommend gamblock enough. It has been a lifesaver.

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I am still hesitant about loading gamblock on my machine. I am going to play it by ear and see what happens.

When I started my Journey I was only going to stop for three months because I have to get some things done. I knew that it was effecting me by not having the drive to finish what I started.

I am in the process of getting my private pilots lic and also trying to get my Mortgage Brokers Lic. as well. I have been trying for a long time but never have the "time" to study for either test.

Anyways....I think I can do it with out the additional resources, but I know they are there and I find that comforting....

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Wouldn't it be nice however to have the little "extra" just in case? You deserve it and it is worth it (just my opinion).

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Robert, Come on now..who is doing the talking here?
Robert in recovery, or that addiction sitting dormant but antsy in the back of your brain? Literally, that is where it lives, addiction lives in the cortex of the brain..hoping the intelligent part of your brain, the limbic mamilian will get weak, and then there is the part of the brain where its a matter of survival kicks in; the 5 F's so to speak, Feed, Fight, Fear, Flee and yes, Fornicate.. seriously. Your brain is at war with itself. Recovery teaches us to fight off the strong urges that come from the cortex..cause without recovery the cortex will over power the other parts, no matter how intelligent you are.. Ok, I dont mean to get too technical here.. using some of what I have learned thru therapy.. and it is some really interesting stuff. You dont want to download gamblock just yet, because that beast called compulsive gambling disease is trying to get you to think.. you dont need gamblock, so that, when you get weak and start trying to rationalize why it is ok to gamble (just one more time).. when in reality thats irrational thinking..you will not be strong enough to fight that urge, then when and/or if the addiction finally over powers your other parts of the brain, and it will.. if you dont put up the roadblocks to stop it, you have left a pathway wide open for the compulsive gambling to take over.. by still being able to do online gambling..Its the disease stopping you from downloading the gamblock, not Robert.. think of it like that. Also, it is Robert, not yet accepting he can never gamble again.. confusing aint it? But you can make it simple.. keep it simple, download the program, then you are NOT tempted and you can stop the conflicts going off in your brain, because you are suffering from an insidious, emotional illness, compulsive gambling, pathological gambling...call it what you want.. But thats the reality of it. You can gamble and live in a fantasy world..cause we get nothing from it realistically Or you can take a detour into the real world and take a risk by putting gamblock on your computer.. Moving ahead is life, means taking risks, not living in a fantasy world..
I was coming home from a ga meeting tonight and there is a church that I pass each time, as it is on my way home and they always have quotes on their billboard outside, and tonight it said, "At the heart of ALL the conflicts, ALL you have in your heart is selfishness" Think about it.. It sure fits for me, when I think about the last slip I had.. and it also fits with how some felt angry and disappointed in me because somehow I let them down.. and one particular person really hit my heart hard.. I am learning something new everyday in recovery and it hasnt let me down yet.. Hang tuff Robert.. you need to put gamblock on your computer.. its safe, cheap, compared to all you have lost on that computer already... what 30 bucks maybe? Compared to gambling losses? Save yourself the conflicts and most of all save yourself the pain, of what you will feel like if or when this addiction wins over your brain again.. Just do it! keep it simple.. take care of yourself.. I will think the same about you no matter what your choice or what happens.. I have the same disease and I know what you are going thru..
Hugs,
lilaud

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Robert, Lilaud says some real stuff there. When I was gambling, and when I was trying to quit on my own (many,many,many times) the "voice" of my addiction would whisper to me. "It's ok" Just those two words allowed me to rationalize everything. Its ok to carry my credit card with me when I go to town. Its ok to drive past the casino. Its ok to want an hour alone for "me" And I would listen to the "ok", deep down knowing that soon I WOULD be ok... because I knew deep down I would go gamble again. Even today, after a month of being free from gambling...that voice whispers to me. It's very helpful to me to read what others are going through, it reminds me of my addiction. That sounds self-punishing, but it's not, really. I find that the farther I go from my last bet, the more I "forget" how low I was. Thats another voice of the addiction. I can never listen to that voice again... and I can only hope that someday the voice will quiet. Give yourself a break Robert, download the program, and give the voice a longer distance to call to you.
Take Care

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I've read the posts on this site a few times, have never gone to GA, have a sorrowful but supportive family, make six figures at 30 yrs old, love my life, but am so sick and frustrated and mainly terrified of what I'll become if I don't quit gambling - I've decided today to join this site, my first attempt at quitting that involves something other than saying the words.

I had many *censored*tails last night and drained my bank account again - went out by myself and let the destruction begin. I appear confident and very successful, but am actually scared and broke. This addiction is eating away at the dream life I know I can have and has corroded my cheerful, optimistic personality.

I won't go to Gamblers Anonymous - not a God believer and have heard things like they tell you to realize you won't have money again? I'm looking forward to sharing the beginning of recovery with some of you people - and after seeing the "view" to "post" ratio, encourage another rookie to get on board with me.

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You don't have to believe in God to join GA, although I thought the same thing when I joined. Of course I was looking for any excuse not to join, not to stop gambling and that was just one of many.

Your story sounds quite familar; I too have a good job, a career and was just throwing my future away. Throwing away the good part of working so hard for my money. I looked at myself every morning before I would go to work and say "I'm not going to gamble today.", "I'm not going to bring my ATM.", "I'm not going to bring my credit cards today.". I never made it out the door without something. I lied to myself everyday.

I'm sorry I'm not too much of a rookie, but being on board is a great feeling. I wish you well Art and hope this site is everything you need for your recovery.

Denise C.
3 years one month and 6 days without a bet

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sounds like you have copped a hiding and are waking up to this gambling myth that if you keep trying well,ll get even eventually....forget about actually making money,only get even !!!after my last bust a month ago i didnt get a decent nights sleep for a week,my head was buzzing with what ifs,if only black not red..ect.what a headache.theres a time in life to take risks,but gambling risk is so slanted to the casinos favour its more like being taken to the cleaners.i find once i can look at myself in the mirror and say challis what you lost gambling is lost for good,let it go,i,ve been had by the experts and if this is the worst thing to happen to me i,ll be okay for the next part of my life,older and wiser.if only some one had told me that years ago...read through the old posts here theres so much gambling wisdom its a gold mine of experinced people who are on the same road.getting there sanity back.

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Art
what is this Gamblers Anonymous myth..they tell you "you will never have money"? what does that mean.Thats crap.

All my poker and casino accounts told me "you will never have money again" they told me it often ,loud and clear.

You will stop gambling when you want to.How you want and what kind of quality of life you require without gambling is totally up to you.

White knuckle abstinence from gambling is a rotten way to live.
GA has made inroads to saving my mental health, and with that my bank balance.BUT we must be aware this sickness is not a financial problem.It all centres in the mind.

I would say this.
Give GA you;re best shot for 90 days with an open mind and willingness to stop compulsive gambling for 24 hours at a time.,and if you dont think it is for you.GA will refund your misery.
good hunting

Mark
other site-----WWW.GAMCARE.COM
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This is my first post too. I have gone to one meeting and was not too impressed with the group. I have bought all of the 12 step books and plan to read them but prefer an online forum. Hope this is it
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Hawk,

Welcome! I am finding this site helpful. There is a lot of wisdom on here and I can relate to many of the comments or stories. There is also another site I have been reading posts on, although haven't joined yet - Gambling Addicts Trying To Give Up.

Another member, Uma, and I just agreed to go a week without gambling - want to join? Going 24 hours is the key to success, but goals of blocks of time help motivate me too. Let's make today a success and be strong!

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Shelley, Hey, I think you are doing great. just always remember, no matter how good you feel..and how strong and even when you think that little voice has finally shut up..that' when it gets you..when you least expect it..It has a mind of its own..sickening isnt it? Always be aware..we learn after continuously working our recovery and progressing further..we really learn..its ok to always be aware..and stay honest no matter what..Hugs lilaud

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Its amazing to me that would would say that, Lilaud, as I had my first real brush with going back to gambling last night(wed night) I had gone to my GA meeting, then on to my sports league,as usual.After the game, the girls and I were socializing....and I was struck with the old thought, "I could go to the casino" OUT OF THE BLUE!! It was a very powerful urge... I battled it for a few moments, trying to focus on my visit with my team-mates. It went away... but came back, again and again. It was disheartening... and yes, it came when I least expected it, when I should have felt the strongest... right after a GA meeting. Soooo (sigh) Not that I thought it was going to be easy. Not that I thought I would never think seriously about gambling. It was the power of the feeling that frightened me. So I spent some time today trying to figure out what triggered it... and I came to the conclusion that maybe nothing triggered it, that I was just still powerless over it and so have to not get too comfortable. I made it through the day. I didn't make a bet. Maybe next time will be easier.
Thanks Lilaud,
Take care

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Lilaud,

I haven't downloaded it yet, but I probably will. So much has gone on in the week and a half of not gambling. Not like this huge change, but a stream of better decisions. I am sure the next one will be to download that program.

This issue that I fighting is that I will admit defeat. I think I have mentioned that before.

It's just that simple for me though.

I must change my license plate, it refrences the game that has brought me to my knees and begging for forgiveness. I can't even watch it on T.V.

The mailings that I get from casinos, the emails from the sites, the billboards that are all over the place are a reminder I don't want that life.

I am old enough and have played long enough to realize that I am loser when it comes to playing. You won't see me on the Travel Channel holding the nut hand.

Over the the past week and half I have truly come to realize I shouldn't gamble. I got my paycheck early....(I can because its my company) and its going into the bank. I am like a crack addict and I don't think if a crack head is going to quit for good he can smoke a little crack.

Getting back to the Gamblock it will be going on...but I will take my time to let the tempations to subside.

Thanks for the words of encouragement and the support

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Hi everyone!
I've had Gamblock installed for a few days now. 30 bucks it cost me, which is a bet I could lose in ten minutes. My husband left to run some errands yesterday and the first thought that popped into my head was, "Great, I can have some time to gamble while he's gone." THANK GOD FOR GAMBLOCK. Seriously. And their customer service support has been great. For instance, it had blocked me from opening a James Bond movie site for "Casino Royale" - haha. But a simple email to them and the problem was solved.
Robert, I am you. I know what you're going through. I'm not sure what you meant by what you said about waiting for the temptations to subside before you download it, but why wait? Learn from my mistakes - I could have paid my rent with the money I lost in between first HEARING about gamblock and when I finally installed it.
I still feel sick to my stomach when I think of the money I lost, the lies I told, the time I gave up. But at least I know I have taken a step toward recovery. And, I swear, it has been a lifesaver. Please, please consider just putting it on your computer now. It's okay to admit defeat. It really is. I think that's part of recovery, isn't it? In fact, when you choose which version of gamblock to download, they ask you, is this to protect your company, or yourself? I thought that spoke volumes. As I clicked "to protect myself" that somehow made me feel better already.
Good luck to you, and thanks to everyone here for their help.
All the best.
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Keep thinking about it Robert.. Playing it by ear? Try listening to those who have gone where you have not yet gone, but will, if you keep making these excuses to not download the program..Im not fussing at you Im telling it like it really is. Who do you think is on the receiving end of where you are betting your money? Do you really know? I dont think so. Have you really investigate online casinos? Here is a link, one of many out there and a few here linked to gamblershelpER.com if you search them out.
http://www.the-surfs-up.com/news/gamblingonlinenews.html
Read about them.. Its all a scam.. really it is, just like the real thing.. its a scam too! Dont say we didnt warn you, or try to save you some grief, those who know best are those who have gone thru.. Hugs, Aud Hey! Thats my original quote..hmm.. have to save that one.

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