I'm a compulsive gambler who is new to the site


Hi all,

I found this site through a search engine and decided to reach out to others like me for help. I'm a compulsive gambler and I'm feeling really down today. I just recently got my tax refund back and while I took care of my bills (brought things current etc.), I feel so sad/depressed that I spent the extra money I had left gambling. In fact, I won back the $900 I spent on gambling only to turn around and give it right back. Then last night with my last $200 in savings, I engaged in Internet gambling because I was unable to physically get to the casino. I ended up turning the $200 into $847 and sat at the computer until I gave it all back thinking I could turn it into something bigger.

Guys I know it's stupid but I feel so much like killing myself or just giving up on everything so much of the time. I notice that I gamble whenever I'm bored or extremely agitated, stressed over finances, etc. The last time I checked I heard that the GAMON group we had here in Tulsa didn't exist anymore.

I know what I should be doing but I'm just not doing it. As old as I am (43) I just want to sit down in the middle of the floor and cry because I feel so angry at myself for being weak, and not able to control myself.

I just need others who've experienced or are experiencing what I'm experiencing to talk with me. I keep telling myself that I'm going to find something to replace this addiction and yet I feel so unmotivated. I don't seem to care about anything. The only reason I keep going is because I love my children who are all grown except for my 17 y/o who's still at home, and the fact that I know I have to get up and work each day if I intend to have a place to live and be able to eat.

Sometimes I just feel like there's no hope for me and that I'll never break free of this curse I've created for myself. Anyone please help me get started in the right direction. I've got soooo many issues, and I feel I try and cover them all up with gambling.

I want to stop hurting those I love and more importantly self-destructing on myself.

Help in Tulsa, OK

znxm0i

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Hello, Welcome to a great support forum.. you will find lots of understanding and support here.. Please keep reading and definately keep posting your thoughts..

Its ok to sit on the floor and cry..get it out, but dont stay there too long.. only you can make this change for yourself.. its a very hard addiction to beat.. please know, I have been where you are so many many times before.. you have to find a Gamblers Anonymous meeting, and go as often as you can, connect here, and if you can locate a counselor who specializes is comp gambling therapy then take advantage of it.. also, put gamblock on your computer so you do not gamble again.. go to www.gamblock.com and they have a program you can purchase, for 30 bucks to stop online gambling.. it works.. Please know that you are not alone.. take it one step at a time, one day at a time.. it will get better.. I wish I could be there to give you a huge hug, but please know I am sending you one now.. (((hugs))) We are all in this together and we can be here for each other.. just dont gamble.. minute by minute if that is what it takes.. Hugs again, lilaud

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Thank you lilaud for the hugs...*lol*...they are much needed.

Also, thank you for sharing with me about putting the block on my computer for the internet gambling, I'll check it out. I'd never heard of this before.

Thanks again for listening and replying with encouragement.

Perhaps through this site I can change my life for the better.

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First, let me say you came go a great site. I am relatively new to this site too but when I came I felt the same as you...completely defeated and disgusted with this gambling thing. I've made much progress in the past few weeks. Things are definitely getting better and I'm sure they will for you too if you continue to come here and seek out help wherever you can.

Please allow me to make one suggestion to you...if you have not started heavily playing on-line, stop right now before that becomes an addicted association. I had been playing in casinos for years and had essentially stopped. I began playing on-line a few months ago and that became the biggest problem ever. There was no escape as it was right in your house...you didn't even have to travel to the casino. So, if you can, please do not go back to the on-line site because it will grab ahold of you and it is so hard to break free.

If it has already become a problem, there is a software program that you can get at Gamblock.com that will block all gambling sites for you. If you read my posts you will see that it took some courage for me to finally put it on my computer, but it is a blessing once it's done and it removes the ability for you to pursue on-line gambling.

There is hope and you can break free, but I have found it's not possible to do on my own. There are so many good resources available on-line now to support you and help you get through this. This disease is very sneaky as you must know and the urges will come and try to convince you all is well and you can handle this. This is how it works, but you always find yourself back where you started. Everyone here, I'm sure, has gone through exactly what you are experiencing and each has an approach to share that is uplifting & supportive.

Don't give up...things get better. Just keep reaching out for help and it will be there for you!

Zoe

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Hi Tulsa,
Wow... as I was reading your post...it brought the memory of my first post here back in full color. You and I are dealing with the same issues. Empty nest syndrom. Feeling lost and empty we've replaced that emptiness with the casino. Helps to remove us from our pain. It is an escape from this painful reality. I am rather new to this list too. I have found that everyone here is wonderful and easy to talk too. We're all in the same boat without much of a paddle. But there is hope... many of these folks have overcome this addiction and live full and happy lives now.

As for thoughts of suicide... you know even though your kids are grown... they still need you. What adout when they start having kids? Are you going to be there to be a grandma? Last Thursday I was sooo depressed I thought I might go right through the floor. But I survived and today I don't feel so bad. So.. as they say take it one minute, one day, one second at a time. Look at your NOW and say... OK... I've still got a roof over my head. I'm still breathing in and out. I've got food in the refrigerator and have just paid all my bills. It helps me to take a NOW evaluation when that long dark tunel shows up at my front door. I look at my house, my husband, my food, my talents and abilities and say... OK.. well right now... I am OK. I will survive. It seems to push back the depression.

and Most of all... keep coming back here, vent, share, and read. I personally don't want to do Gamblers Anonymous... I find this to be better for me.
Talk to ya soon
Terri

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You have come to the right place. There are many great people here who will help you.

There are also people who have hit rock bottom and out of desperation they seek help. They might run into a site like this, stick around for a few days then think their problems have gone away. I used to be one of those people. But now I've realized that I need the support, advice, and just to hear what people are going through. I do not think for one minute that my problems will go away if I ignore them. That's one of the reasons I keep coming here: To face my problems.

Whatever I'm going through or feeling, I get it out. I write it down in a journal or on this forum, let it all out. I do it all the time here and sometimes not everyone agrees with me but I'm here to vent anger and express my feelings. It's like cleaning out my system everyday.