My story


This is my story. No one knows my story and I think writing it will give me a sense of release. I've been gambling since my very first trip to vegas my sophmore year in college, I am not 33. That first trip I won 600 in a slot machine in vegas. In college I was a marginal gambler, 300-500 per vegas trip. Then I started to go to local casinos and betting on sports online. In college I got into about 5k in debt and actually was combing through the school newspaper for a sperm doner job to get extra money. I had a great girlfriend that I totally neglected and ended losing due to my gambling. When I graduated college I started playing in the stockmarket and ended losing thousands and thousands of dollars in the tech crash of early 2000s.

I have such a complusive personality that once I get going at a casino I will go until all of my cards are maxed out. I am married now with a very good paying job. From the outside, everyone thinks I have a perfect life. Great job, great wife, kid on the way, beautiful home ect. Deep down I am in depression. I have two second mortgages out, credit card debt.....all totally about 600K. Over the last 10 years I have made tons of money working but to lose it all gambling. No one knows, and I keep it all pent up inside. I"m constantly stressed and preoccupied.

I can't stop. All I do from the moment i wake up to the time i go to sleep is think about gambling and more so on how I can reduce my debt. Its horrible, I know I can never win 600k to make up for all my debt but yet I feel this need to try to win it back. My obsession to get back to even has me on the brink of bankruptcy. I dont feel like i can stop because the only way I can keep my head above water financial is to try to win some money weekly to pay for my debts. Its a horrible life I live and its all been due to gambling. For anyone who thinks they are in bad shape, you can't be as bad as me. I dread the day I have to tell my wife and family of our financial situation. I've tapped into retirement funds, credit cards, 2nd mortgages, savings, everything. Because my wife lets me handle all of the finances, she does not know yet.

I feel like I can never reach that point of inner peace and happiness until I can climb myself out of this hole of debt. I feel so ashamed and people would be so shocked if they knew my problems. I have lost 17K just this pass work alone. Its such a helpless feeling that is so undescribeable. The only way I get by is to try to block it out and have the excitement of the next set of games preoccupy my mind. I just found this forum tonight and my hope is that i can use this as an outlet and perhaps to find some help.

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IF, a big IF, I were in a
Submitted by Bach on Sun, 2007-03-11 11:38.

IF, a big IF, I were in a situation like that, I would just come out clean with the wife first. Then go from there. Scotty has a saying, "If you find yourself digging a hole, stop digging."

I wish you all the best in the world. Keep writing, keep helping and it should help!

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treatment
Submitted by SAFE on Sun, 2007-03-11 17:18.

lost When I went to treatment for my gambling addiction I thought alot like you are now. I thought it was all about the money to. But I'll tell you as they told me daily until I finally figured it out. It's not all about the money that's what you think draws you back all the time, but as they told me GET OFF THE MERRY GO ROUND. I wish you the best with it all. It's very hard to go through but be strong willed and you can do it. lost

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thanks for the comments.
Submitted by needtobesober on Sun, 2007-03-11 20:54.

thanks for the comments. This site helps as it is the only release i have.

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hope this site helps,go
Submitted by challis on Mon, 2007-03-12 03:28.

hope this site helps,go through previous posts and see how the rest here suffer due to our money trip...your not alone,welcome to the club of people skinned by there desire to get some bucks outta those bright lights,sad but true theres plenty more mugs were we come from.would,nt have any wise words of wisdom,becouse i have ,nt been to visit the depths were your coming from,just the basics that lifes still worth living,even if your living is a trailer park,you never know who you might see there,!!1 jerry springer makes alotta money from them...have a laugh,cry ,then make today the first day of living bet free,the sun shines on eveyone free of charge,airs free,water too,might be a oppotunity to re.asses your life...i do,,

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Please wake up
Submitted by Harry on Tue, 2007-03-27 22:28.

I am sure you are smarter than I. However, the casino guys and the government are wicked and smarter than us. Think, they will never lose. The only way to get your money back is to open a casino. I thought I could recover and might help with the money for the poor. But that never happened. The government always blame us that you lost money because your are compulsive. They are bandits.
I think you should apply the self-exclusion program if there is. I always thought I could control me. But it didn’t work. Even though we are in outside of casinos, we are still hypnotized by the images of slot machines because the casinos and the depression have damaged our brain. So we are not in this world while the slot machines ruled us. To escape from the devil, we should be in society without casinos or stop going there. If you can’t leave your place, make you stop going there completely. Ask your wife to control your income. If it didn’t work—in my case, yes, be hospitalized with any reason—I couldn’t do this because of my job, so I lost lots of money again. Now I am barely enduring the desire by the program. But I am still buying lotteries.

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Gambling addiction - You are not alone
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 2007-05-25 21:41.

In response to "My Story." You may think you are alone, but you are not. Everyone around me appear to be in total control, have big bucks in the bank, new cars, new additions to their homes...and I, as you, have thrown those things out the window. I started gambling in an extreme manner about 4 years ago. I turned into my father who drank (I don't) and gambled. I too started with $500 a trip and thought that was a lot of money. Currently, if I don't have at least $5k with me, I don't feel I have enough to even start to play. And there is no more money - I am truly going through withdrawal. I want to go gambling very badly. My addiction is slots. No brainers. My therapy. Very expensive therapy. I have destroyed my marriage, I feel sick to my stomach over what I have taken from my children, and I would, if I could, go gambling right now. I depleted all of my savings (about $350K, 25 years of working down the drain), have a huge 1st and 2nd mortgage, and owe about $130K on credit cards. I feel I am in quicksand with no way out. I also do the bills so my husband does not know how deep we are in debt. He knows how our mortgage has grown and how the 2nd mortgage was used to pay off the credit cards....only to max them out again - on gambling. I pray for a miracle. I live moment to moment so I don't slit my throat. I live for the kids. I feel so sorry for my husband. And of course, I feel ashamed. And I too, think about winning a big one just before I fall asleep. I am not young, I don't think I can ever recover from this - or gain "inner peace." Oh, yes, and I checked into bankruptcy - it's a no go according to the one (and only one thus far) attorney I talked to. We make too much money. That whole thing doesn't make sense. WE? I destroyed the finances, not my husband. There it is in black and white - you hurt your family..period. There is no way around it. I feel for you "My Story." I'm in the same boat to nowhere.