back in the darkness again


I am so glad I found this website. I feel like I have someone to talk to now that understands me and I'm not in the darkness all by myself. I am a recovering gambler and I went to treatment in april of 96 and hadn't gambled since for 10 years I was clean and never thought I would ever see myself in a casnio again. When ever I would think of it I would tell myself I never want to be there again and thats how I truly felt. I'm not sure how I ended up going back but there has been a few things that could have triggered it. I know myself when I'm low on funds is when I would have thoughts of going. Well last summer I became really sick and ended up having a mass removed that they found and will I was in there for that I had to have a blood transfusion also that triggered arm pain that was very intense so while I was recovering from the first surgery I was doctoring for my arm which they figured out was a bulged disk in my neck so I had to undergo another surgery to fix that also. So that all put me out of work for 4 months with no pay. My husband helped me with my bills while I was out. { not willing to but had to}

I also have another job that I do on the side and I had my sister and her daughters running that for me while I was out. I was very close to my sister we did everything together. Well one of them stole 3000.00 out of the till from me and no one will addmit it. I told my sister it is her fault because I had inj charge of taking care of the money. I am not sure who took it. It might have been her. She did act kinda funny when she brought me the money that night.

Well the 3000.00 was my profit and I really needed it at that time being off work and all. My husband is an alcoholic and very verbally abusive. Since christmas I have probably went to the casnio 8 times and lost a total of 6000.00. I am just sick about it. Yesterday I took money from my husbands funds that I need to put back before he misses it. and I spent all I could get out of the atm from my checking. I feel so bad I can't stand it. I feel like I'm going crazy.

I am back on the track of chasing my money thinking I have to go back to win my money back and I know thats not going to happen because I stay till there's nothing left even if I do win it's never enough unless I would win a big jackpot then I would leave with some. After not gambling for 10 years I can't believe how nothing has changed I'm just like I was 10 years ago exactly. I have lots to say so I will write again and vent some more. But I don't think I should tell my husband and take the chance I can get the money back in there before he notices. If not I'm not sure how he will react. I guess I'll take my chances and hope for the best. Sorry for all the babbling and jumping around in my story but I can't help it right now.

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thanks for sharing your
Submitted by challis on Wed, 2007-03-07 16:56.

thanks for sharing your story,if more people posted how there going then us loosers would not feel so hard done by,becouse the gambling lobby sells gambling as a harmless good time,not the life or death situation we can find ourselves in when the losses run out of control,and the choice s left open to a looser are long term answer to a short term problem,even as i know its glib,but over time you will rebuild yourself stronger than before.i walked into the bank the other day to withdraw a few ks cash to transfer to another bank,bang once the wad of cash was in my hand the thought came,lets roll to casino and double it,i was so nervous crossing the rd, to the other bank to deposit it the tellor had to ask if i was okay..so keep away from holding too much ready cash,all the best whatever happens

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There isn't anything to
Submitted by Bach on Thu, 2007-03-08 11:28.

There isn't anything to be sorry about. You're going through some rough time and it's normal to vent, get your ideas on paper. That's why we're here.

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more trama
Submitted by SAFE on Thu, 2007-03-08 22:01.

lost Well to make things even worse my daughter was going to her boyfriends house today to have supper with his parents and on the way there she rolled her car. Thank god she's alright. The car is totaled. She came up over a hill and there was drifting across the road about 12 inches deep and she hit that and it sent her into a spin and shot her into the ditch and rolled and landed on the roof. She couldn't get out because the snow was blocking the door from opening but some people stopped and ran down there and got her out. Of course my husband is having a fit about it and its my fault because I let her go. well thats all for now. thanks for listening to me. lost